Blessings Within the Battles – Forged Friendship Between Parents

JBF TALKS about Blessings Within The Battles

As far back as I could remember, God has always been on my side. As I got older it became quite apparent that God’s presence can also be felt through the people He puts in your path to help you through tough situations. They may just show up and you may be thinking “this is exactly who I needed.” I’ve experienced this in my worst moments of JB’s illness, when I felt that I absolutely could not make it. At times I felt as though I was having a nervous breakdown. I can describe it as my body feeling as though it would shatter like glass, but at that very moment I would get a call asking “Chev, are you ok?” and I would be pulled back from the troughs of darkness in the nick of time.  Even now with the JBF, God literally sends people to take us from point A to B or to handle difficult situations. God always shows up!

Let me introduce two moms whose boys have been diagnosed with cancer. They are facing a mammoth task with a long road ahead. Strangers becoming a blessing to each other in the midst of their battles.

Keisha’s 9-year-old son Nathaniel was diagnosed with B-Cell Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and Tanya’s 12-year-old son Brandon was diagnosed with A.L.L – both in April 2018

JBF : Tanya, how did Brandon’s diagnosis affect you?

Tanya: It started off as self blame. I questioned whether there was something that I had done wrong or something that I could have done differently. I was so confused and upset. I wondered if I could have prevented it even with signs I didn’t see. A year ago, his lymph nodes were swollen but I never imagined it was cancer. Being uneducated about cancer signs is a serious issue. His diagnosis allowed me to give him undivided attention. My wish is for Brandon to get better and for awareness to be increased throughout the country. Even going to the grocery is different now. I look at every ingredient in every single item. Food and diet have drastically changed. Brandon’s diagnosis affected my diet as well.

JBF :  Keisha, what was your first reaction on hearing of your son’s diagnosis?

Keisha: I wasn’t in shock because when he was on the ward they hinted that it might be cancer. I didn’t think it was cancer because I thought there was a limitation to cancer where kids are concerned. I didn’t know so many types of childhood cancers existed. Nathaniel also has sickle cell anaemia so when I saw the swelling I thought it was a lymph node and carried him to the paediatrician. I called everyone and asked them to pray for ‘Tanie’.

Keisha and Tanya on their friendship:

What was the main thing that connected you ladies?

With laughter, they exclaimed, ‘side effects of every single medication.’

Keisha: We would compare how the kids felt because one of the boys would have taken some medication before the other. Medication conversations turned into more personal conversations and a shoulder to lean on. We felt as though there was someone out there who we could’ve related to. Tanya was that person for me and I was that person for her. It was a sort of woman empowerment. We were just a call away for each other. Even whilst at the hospital, if either parent needed something, the other would make it her duty to get it there.  It was definitely a relationship built upon understanding the journey and having someone to go through it with. If we felt emotionally drained, calling on each other was the first feeling of comfort and relief from the burden. We are able to rely on each other for honesty, understanding, compassion.

Two women fighting against the same battle makes the illness seem so defeated. We would have lunch together and amidst all the negativity that the hospital carries, having someone to eat, drink, laugh and talk with all the time made the time being warded feel like home. We even created traditions. On Fridays while warded together, it would be a chill night where we’d have tea together and play various board games having no choice but to stay awake most of the night as some medical procedures required that they do timely check ups. The other thing we shared knowledge about is the ‘only child syndrome’. We each have only one child and they more or less possess the same attitudes so we would give each other advice.

JBF : How has having each other made this journey easier?

Tanya: Being on the JBF Ward was just like a school system. The older parents taught us a lot and made us aware of various things and in turn we would take notes and pass it on to the newer parents. It is important that we are both aware of things to look out for. Just the fact that her boy has cancer, she understands me and how I feel and why I feel that way. Even when I can’t explain how I feel, she knows. It’s difficult to talk to a normal parent hoping that we would be understood. She understands and that has helped me so much on this journey with my son. Without someone to cry to and have that same understanding that I have, I would not be able to make it. The only person I can relate to is another “cancer parent.”

Keisha: Sometimes Nathaniel is bored at home and I’ll phone Tanya and we’ll agree to carry them out. We would compromise according to each other’s financial situation and just allow the kids a break. We just want to live in the now and give them everything now. Even with his best outfits, I tell him wear it…when he asks why , my answer is “because there is no special time, the time is now.” My entire impression of life has changed because of this journey. This moment is always the right time because the right time does not exist.

Isaiah 41: 10
So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.