3 Generations – My mom, RaVen and I

I have always boasted about being an open book, so getting the opportunity to step back into my distant past, and write about the woman chosen by God to bring me into this world, and to have the privilege to hear her perspective on who I am today is priceless. I am also blessed by the maturity and brilliance of the amazing young lady God has entrusted me with.

It is such an honor to be able to share 3 generations of Grace, Beauty and Strength.

JAN TALKS
Of my three children Chevaughn was the last…and children coming last tend to do what they want. She was different from the other two, what I mean is, she had a way of her own.

When I opened my eyes wide they knew what was going on. My eyes used to tell the story. I wouldn’t say Chevaughn was ‘harden’ but she didn’t seem to understand me as easily as the other two would. That didn’t bother my son Hugh but Wendy, my first daughter, used to complain that Chevaughn would get away with a lot.

As a single mother, my faith is what was there for me. Believing in God and knowing that He is there for me along with the Holy Spirit, helped me to cope with my circumstances. That’s how I made it. I used to tell people I know that I was not the first and I won’t be the last person to have to face that challenge.

So instead of crying over the situation, I focused on the fact that I had three children to look after. My thing was to make sure that I could raise my three children to the best of my ability. It’s ok to have fun, but when you have children, you have to sacrifice your life for them, and that’s what I did. I sacrificed everything I had for my children because I knew what I wanted them to be.

I put my foot down when I had to. Even when their father was around, I was the ‘beater’, I was the one to discipline them. So when the break came and he left, I said to myself “Janet this is your thing.” I knew what I wanted my children to be and that is what I strived for. They knew that I loved them and even if I had to raise the strap for them, they knew it was out of love. I stood up for my children. I stood by my children. I was devoted to them.

When I think of Chevaughn and where she is in life at present, I can say that I expected that of her. I expected all my children to do well. I believe that where they are today is an answer to my prayers. When you pray, God answers. I pray a lot. Up to now, even though my children are big and gone their own way, I pray for them more now than I prayed for them when they were small.

CHEVAUGHN TALKS
As a child one of the things I truly looked forward to was becoming a mommy.

My dolls were my first babies and they were disciplined as much as they were loved.

My mother was very strict. Now I know that my punishments and floggings were well deserved in most cases, in fact 99.99% of the time and served as not only as a manual of how to be a good mother but also how to be a good person.

Jan as she has been fondly called for as long as I could remember was a single mother and she herself as a child was from a broken home. So as I got older and figured out the dynamics of her experiences  which influenced her as a mother, I understood, I accepted and I made mental notes. Without knowing it I began filtering, formulating and planning for my most important role to me and that was being a mom.

My first marriage bore me no children but God had a plan which we aren’t also prevy to.  Being pregnant with by first baby was scary to say the least but when I saw her for the first time and told her hi and she smiled I knew without a doubt motherhood was mine. All mine ! I was born to be a mom. I love being a mom. My children are my life. It’s such a huge responsibility to shape and mold these little beings. They were lucky that they had Noel as an amazing dad so I did not have to do it all alone. Hats off to all the single moms, and anyone taking care of a child be it biological or other.

When I think of my life as a wife and mother I am impressed with the way Jan raised me as a single mother and all she had to endure. She never showed any signs of weakness inspite of what she was going through raising three children. My dad left when we were 5, 8 and 11.

We were well fed, clothed and all had a good education and church was a must. To this day she plays a very active role at church and though I have chosen another religion she has accepted my decision.  Even now if I have a problem and call her, her first words would be “Just call on the Holy Spirit”.  It has been and always will be her solution to all problems, even if she can’t find her car keys.

It was not all perfect, it was not all good, I believe somethings could have been done differently but it has shaped me into the person I am today. Being able to weather any storm. Being bold. Being brave. Being a woman of good courage. Not being afraid to stand up for myself and most importantly being a good mom.

I would like to think I have passed on some of these traits to RaVen. I didn’t have to use the “rod” much but we have always had a good raport and  eventually made a pact when she was in primary school that if she did something wrong I would walk away, deal with my anger and disappointment and then we would discuss it together.  What that did was allow her to come to me for any situation and kept the lines of communication open for both of us.  I love my mom dearly and though I’m  still working on my communicaton skills between her and I, where there’s life there’s HOPE.

RAVEN TALKS
As a child mummy seemed like ‘the strict one’. The one that punished JB and I, the one that instilled discipline with respect to school work and chores, the one that said “no”…

However, I still loved her dearly. I remember her leaving for a trip when I was about six and I bawled at the airport until my dad bought me a pack of skittles. I knew that she loved me too because I fondly remember her waking my brother and I up on mornings by singing: 

“Wake up my people, wake up and give a shout
Wake up my people, know what life’s about and…
Wake up to the needs of all the ones who suffer sorrows
Wake up promise now to do your best to change tomorrow
Wake up my people and open every door
Wake it’s time now, love my people evermore”

It was the best way to wake up on a morning.

In my early teenage years, she still remained as ‘the strict one’. However, a lot of the principles instilled in me as a child remained and caused me to become independent. I would get up, make breakfast, iron my clothes and wake one of my parents up to drop me to school. Also, school work was never an issue because her famous quote, “Do what you have to do, so that you can do what you want to do” was on repeat in my head so I would ace all my tests so that I could go to the movies with my friends.

In my latter teenage years, I realised that mummy was actually “the cool one”. While she had me on a tight leash (much to my disgruntlement) when I was younger, she began to loosen it at “the right time”. I was able to satisfy my craving of ‘experiencing the world’ when I was mature enough to do so.

“V is for victory” she would say (referring to the capital V in my name). Both my parents sacrificed themselves to ensure my success to which I am eternally grateful. “You do your part and I will do mine”, she often said.

As an adult now, I have no complaints about my mother’s child-raising style. I believe she took on the harder role of being the “bad cop” but it worked out well. While we may have had our disagreements over the years, our relationship has evolved into something that both a mother and daughter could only hope for: one of mutual respect, honesty and utmost love.

“Write down for the coming generation what the Lord has done, so that people not yet born will praise him. Psalm 102:18 (GNT)